Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Dropping by for a bite to eat....

Just as Barbie sat herself down to enjoy the plastic toast in peace and quiet, a rapping at the door was heard. She slowly got up and headed for the door, only to be greeted by Ken's queer friend, Marcus letting himself in...

"Ummmm, what are you doing?" Barbie looked a him with a blank expression on her face, "I was coming as fast as I could!"

"It's fine love" as he kissed her on the cheek, "you know I always carry around a hair pin and some pliers in case you're not home..." he sang

"That's....interesting..." she mumbled under her breath...

But before she knew where she was, he was already in the cupboards, seeing if brunch was about....

"Gawd woman! You really need to do something with this cupboard! It looks like a tranny painted it - and I should know because tranny's have disgusting taste in cupboards......." he droned on.....

She waited as he continued to search the cupboard, god only knows what he was looking for. She knew he was not going to be able to keep it to himself...

"So honey, really..." he said as he sat himself down and took hold of her hand. "Are you okay?"

Well this was a turn up for the books "Ummmm..." but before she could say anymore he chimed in with "Well darl, it looks like a cat threw up on you and then you just decided to just 'go with it' and it's just so, blah"

BINGO - there it was. The shirt dress. She knew he would have to bring it up. She had tried to at least cover it over with an apron, but his beady little eyes had seen right through it.

"Yes, I know you hate this shirt dress....but I kinda felt like I had to wear it today. Something just told me to do it..."

"Well" he said matter-of-factly "you better watch out or the fashion police might come and get you for crimes against humanity!" and he laughed out loud and slapped his knee.

"Well, can I help you with something? Or are you just going to keep looking through my cupboards?" Barbie hissed at him

"Well, from the looks of that plastic toast, I think I might get brunch elsewhere" he said as he poked the toast and pulled a disgusted face...

He turned on his heels and grabbed his coat in one swift motion. Barbie sighed with relief as he headed for the door.

"Oh honey" he said as he popped his head back around the corner "Whoever or whatever told you to go with orange kitten heels should be shot. It's so last year!" and with that he skipped out the door.

Barbie did think about the heels for a moment, but it was best not to ask why this awful outfit had been put together.......

Monday, December 01, 2008

Fabulous hat

What the fuck is she doing here? thought Barbie as Midge burst through the doors to the dream kitchen.

"I'm here and I'm freaking fabulous! What's for breakfast?" she said as she plonked her ass down on the chair.

Oh for the love of fucking god....

"Plastic toast" replied Barbie before she spoke too soon.

"Like, ewwww! Toast and carbs are totally bad for you!" Midge shrilled, as she cocked her head to the left side. "Why the hell are you eating that?"

Before Barbie had the chance to speak, Skipper stepped in....

"Apparently, it's all we have" she said "but I don't believe her for a second! I just know we had some bacon and eggs around here"

Skipper began to rumage through the plastic 50's fridge....2 bottles of cola, bottle of wine and a loaf of bread....not the bacon and eggs she was looking for.

"It's not here!" she cried and ran out of the room.

Midge looked confused, "What's like, up with her? Was I too fabulous?"

"Just shut up and eat the plastic toast" Barbie sighed "It's all we've got"

"Can't stop to eat now" Midge replied heading for the door "I've got places to be in this fabulous hat!"

With that, Midge skipped out the door.

Once more Barbie was left thinking about that ugly shirt. The shirt certainly had something to do with the strange goings on this morning. She just couldn't put her finger on it......

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Barbie's Dream Kitchen

"Why does this have to be so hard" Skipper asks.

She's not the only one. Building this dreamhouse was becoming a freaking nightmare. It's not just deciding on what you want, but it's dealing with complete morons.

"I think I want a blue wall"....well I think I might kill you if I see one more swatch of blue or a shade thereof - who knew there were 5000 types of blue? Not me.

"Barbie, my dream toast tastes like plastic"

Well, there's a good reason for that. It is plastic and so are you.

"You're a dick, Skipper" she mumbled as she stared off into space and thought about why the hell she wore that disgusting top.